Lucid Dreaming of Wolf Lake
To me, disability pleasure is waking up from the most delicious dream
One where I get to experience unbridled closeness and live recklessly without worry
the exact opposite of the nightmare that is calculating exhausting precaution in waking life
Last night you unexpectedly drive to Chicago
even though I no longer live there
I still dream as though I do
a dream come true onto itself
I’m untethered so we decide to spend the morning together
“Another 15-20 minutes” we keep promising, until we link up with everyone else
The hours quickly stack
You take a wrong turn and we drive to the Indiana side of Wolf Lake
“I’ve wanted to take you here for years” I say breathlessly
In shock and awe at the turn of events as we walk to the shore, dodging the legs of
transmission towers
The sun sets, old growth forests casts shadows that illuminate the butterflies fluttering inside me
An ancient romance surges as we hug for a photo we ask a stranger to take
You embrace me deeply and hold me close as we watch the sky swallow the last rays of light
Later we walk into a crowded bar and order drinks
Pint after pint, my devilish grin forewarns the avalanche of kisses coming soon
We sneak out the back door to make out ravenously,
My hands scatter over your body Your hands quench by body’s thirst
This reoccurring dream feels so real
When I awake I can remember
the sensation of your jersey cotton t shirt weaving through my
fingers and your supple lips tracing my clavicle and the grip of my hand clasped tightly inside
yours
Able bodied people dream of flying.
Disabled people dream of sharing germs without dying.
Disability pleasure is pure ease.
Disability pleasure is a kept promise of safety.
Disability pleasure is the experience of absolute freedom and liberation.
My visceral dream life offers me these, and while for some this is a paltry excuse for pleasure
When you’re disabled, you’re used to the world offering you paltry excuses for pleasure.
At least there’s an alternative reality accessible to me where I get to experience pleasure for
pleasure sake, uncomplicated by limitless able bodied inconvenience.
In my waking life, disability pleasure equates to access to health and safety.
ease in being asked, in wanting to know my COVID protocols
being upfront on when their last booster was - if they live
with people, are they boosted too - do they use n95 masks indoors and outside on busy
streets - when was their last public gathering and how many people were there - do they work
from home - are they willing to test before we meet?
You really want to get me horny?
Volunteer to wear a mask when we play
Stay home for a week before we fuck
Make me a sugar-free charcuterie board and put the water pitcher in the bedroom so I don’t
get light headed from cumming over and over again
Ask me if I remembered to take my meds because I’m preoccupied with your tits
and we can fist each other all night